Unknown to me, I had an admirer in Joy. She liked me and didn’t mince words about it. She told me point blank one Saturday morning while I was at their house and Jane went out to get some snacks. By this time, I was a regular at their place and they at mine. I had chosen to stay back to send some messages on my phone. I was so absorbed in the task I was doing that I didn’t even notice when she came and sat right beside me. It was when she laid her hand on my arm that I knew someone else was beside me.
“Hi Dez.” She said. She was the only one who called me Dez. I found it rather endearing.
I looked up in alarm; she had taken me by surprise. “Hi.”
She drew closer and smiled. At that point, I still was not suspicious; I just wanted to know what she wanted with me. “What’s up?” I asked
“Do you know how handsome you are?” her hands were on my biceps feeling me up. I liked the feeling but I ignored it.
“Hmm hmm.” I replied noncommittally while I tried to put some space between us.
She sidled closer still, almost on my laps and still caressing my biceps. “You are and I find myself thinking of you all the time.” she whispered close to my ear.
Alarm bells started ringing in my brain. It wouldn’t do for Jane to come in and meet us in this position. Although technically, there was nothing between me and Jane…at that time, but I still didn’t want to be put in a situation where I would have to defend myself to her.
I was dumbstruck. What could I say to discourage her? She knew Jane and I are not dating and if I used that as an excuse, it wouldn’t work. She was a pretty girl but I just preferred Jane to her. I needed a good reason to dissuade her and I needed it fast. All the while I was silent; she continued squeezing my biceps and this scrambled my brain which made thinking of a reasonable solution difficult. Thankfully, Jane chose that moment to come in and I quickly jumped up to my feet and went straight to her.
“Welcome. Did you get the pie?” I asked, nervously.
“Yes.” She looked at me strangely.
I brought myself back under control and smiled at her. “Don’t mind me. I’m so hungry.”
Joy smirked behind me. “Yeah, we are so hungry.” She gave me a heavy lidded look.
I knew then she would be a problem.
The next few days were uneventful until the particular day that changed it all. Joy was persistent but I avoided her at all costs. I didn’t need that stress. I was not about to choose her over Jane.
That fateful Tuesday, I went to work but left early because I didn’t have classes anymore for the day then I chatted with Jane on blackberry messenger and she told me she was home. I decided to go see her.
When I got to her house, she was home alone. That was not alarming as we had been alone before and had been able to hold on without messing up. That was not the case that day, maybe emotions were more heightened than usual or maybe it was just pent-up attraction, I couldn’t say. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself here.
I settled down and we decided to see a movie on their DVD player. We both decided on an old movie, an American classic, ‘The Notebook’ adapted from Nicholas Spark’s book of the same title. By the end of that movie, I didn’t know what I was feeling. My emotions were so raw; I just needed an outlet, lest I burst.
Jane was still beside me and I saw tears running down her face as we neared the end of the movie, it’s an emotion packed movie and I understood why she was crying. I felt like crying myself but as a man na, I gots to act like one, be the strong, silent type.
I drew her closer to me, held her head to my chest and tried to soothe her. I wiped the tears from her face with the handkerchief from my pocket and rubbed her back. After a while, her tears subsided and she calmed down. I kissed her forehead; she looked into my eyes and raised her lips to mine in invitation and we started kissing.
Just like that, our emotions erupted and we moved to dangerous territories but I couldn’t stop. Try as i did, I couldn’t stop and after a while, I didn’t want to stop. I gladly and wholeheartedly fell into temptation. At that point, if Jesus himself had come down from heaven and called my name, I doubt I would have stopped to answer.
After the deed was done, we couldn’t look each other in the eye. As per my usual style now, I turned tail and ran, although, this time I didn’t run fast enough or far enough.
From that point on, our relationship deteriorated. As Christians, we were judged by our consciences even before God judged us. We couldn’t stand to see the guilt in each other’s eyes, we couldn’t stand to see the judgment, and we couldn’t stand to see the accusation. We just wanted to escape the fact that we had hurt God, ourselves and each other in the process.
After that time, we still saw each other from time to time, but it was all we could do to even say hello. There was nothing to say, nowhere to go from there….it was over.