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I sat forlornly and watched the pastor preach. He droned on and on and I almost cursed myself for coming to church today of all days. Yes, curse, in church, which showed how frustrated I was.

You might be wondering why I was so vexed to be here. You see, like a good Christian, I woke up this morning and decided to come to church. I dressed up, excited to spend some time in God’s presence and headed to church, which was all well and good.

I got to church and praise and worship was in session so I joined to praise my baba God, my heart full of worship and adoration for his goodness in my life, hands raised and eyes closed, my spirit connected directly to heaven. It was in that same spirit I gave my offering, and I gladly settled down to receive the word. That was when it all spiraled down.

The pastor that was supposed to preach came on and I just got deflated. Yes, I literarily slumped on my seat.  I came down from the euphoric high I was in kiakia and groaned inwardly. Why all the theatrics, you ask?

To say this as succinctly as I can; this pastor is the ‘boringnest’ pastor I have had the misfortune of listening to in my entire life. We have four pastors in my church and it’s just one of them I can say I enjoy his preaching to some extent. The other two are manageable, but this fourth one, the one on the podium now is the only one amongst them I can’t seem to tolerate.

I swear his voice released some sleep fumes into the air whenever he got on the podium and his preaching was usually so uninspiring and lackluster, it was inevitable that half the church would be asleep by the time he was done.

I’m sure the ushers dread Sundays like this as they seem to have more work to do as compared to other Sundays. I saw them as they walked up and down the aisles, tapping people on the shoulder and as soon as they left, the individual they just woke up will snuggle deeper and go back to sleep, then the cycle begins again. The pastor, of course, just drones on oblivious to what was happening around him, intent on impacting the word to a sleeping audience.

I looked to my left and to my right and discovered I was the only one awake in my aisle. This was when I thought of cursing myself, but of course I didn’t go through with it. Resigned to my fate, I settled down to listen to what the pastor was saying; maybe, just maybe I can garner some life lessons from his words.

It was the shout of Halleluyah that jolted me awake.


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